Not me! Mondays

03 May 2010

Welcome to all my new readers! Monday is one of my favorite days because I love to participate in McMama's "Not Me! Mondays". It's a day where I can confess all the things that I did not do during the week, because as we all know... "I am a perfect".

After spending a week chasing Princess off the kitchen table, kissing bruised heads, soothing blood curdling cries after she fell from the table; I gave up and ordered a baby gate. It was NOT a baby gate with simple installation instructions but rather a HORROR gate. It did not take me well over 2 hours to install the stupid thing. I did not slip with the screwdriver sending it flying in the air only to hit Princess in the face. I did not give up and grab the power drill, only for that to slip on the screw, pinching the pad on my finger causing an immediate bruise followed by strew of F-bombs.

Upon completing said horror gate, it did not register that due to the molding and accent trim on our baseboards, it would not fit properly. Two hours of hell was for nothing. I must now search out a different horror gate to trap the Princess from climbing anymore, until then I did not "ghetto-fied" the thing to work till we have another one.

Just because we got our moving money back from the Army, and I have been on Dirt Diver's ass about saving money, paying off debts, I did not go to and make my first purchase of their stuff. I would never not fully give details to Dirt Diver about said purchase, just waiting for it to show up, make the house smell good, and then let him know I bought it AFTER he says how much he likes the scents. I would always be 100% honest and forthcoming regarding my purchases.

I did not spend an entire week cleaning the house from top to bottom, getting the place ready for people. I did not clean the grill. I did not clean the outside up either, just to have Dirt Diver call me an hour before the BBQ was supposed to happen to say they were working till 2100 that night and had to be back at 0530. Thus meaning no drunken Guitar Hero, no laughter, no grilling; nope just me and the kids. I did not sit down after spending an afternoon arguing with a 8 going on 2 year old with an attitude problem to enjoy an unhealthy dinner.

Yes that's JD mixed with homemade Sweet Tea plus Mac'n'Cheese with Bubba Ray's BBQ sauce mixed in. You can only truly enjoy Mac'n'Cheese WITH BBQ sauce. *side note: Can you believe I took that picture at 2100 Friday? It was so bright and a great night for a BBQ. Damn command*

After finally getting down to 150lbs, I did not gain 6lbs back pigging out at Golden Corral, Chinese take out, and Domino's. I would never buy 2 new pair of shorts to fit my new size only to gain that stupid weight back. I would never be irresponsible like that.

Upon eating at Golden Corral, I did not become that parent who had a 15 month old breaking down from being over tired but refused to leave the restaurant. I did not continue to hold her rocking her in one arm while shoveling food in my mouth with the other. As loving parents, we did not make the 3 oldest children sit in their own booth so we could sit and attempt to have an adult conversation, which of course never happened. I would like to point out that if I DID become that parent at the restaurant, I would have picked a table at the back of the restaurant just in case Princess hit her limit.

I did not have a breakdown inside Aeropostal this weekend upon watching my baby girl grow into a beautiful pre-teen as she stepped out of the dressing room wearing shorts. Now it might be different for some; but to see my 11 and a half year old who is over 5'2", wearing a size 0 in woman's in shorts that weren't too super short but short enough to make any woman jealous. I did not have a heart attack at the price when they rung up a pair of capri's and a pair of Bermuda jean shorts even with their sale prices. I did not let go of all dignity and beg her to go back to being my baby girl in the store for anyone within ear shot to hear me.

I did not sit and watch Law Abiding Citizen at 0500 in the morning thanks to Princess being wide awake. I was not pulling for Clyde Shelton. I did not want to see him come out on top, walking away after bringing down our corrupt and shitty government. I did not cry at the end cursing the ending.

I did not volunteer to do the grocery shopping in pouring down rain just to go alone. I did not sit in the parking lot indulging in PB Twix, a Starbucks frapp, listening to Ozzy Osbourne. I did not walk in the front door after spending almost 2 hours shopping looking like a drowned rat. I did not have my jeans stuck to me, my sneakers weren't making the "squish pssh squirt" noise when I took a step, and my hunting jacket was not soaked through and dripping. I did not give the stink eye at my husband as he asked "It's a little wet out still, huh?". I mean really what gave you the flippin' clue there Dirt Diver?!

Upon leaving the commissary I did not take the roads where MP's don't travel much just to speed and plow through puddles making me use the 4x4 on the truck. I did not have fun fish tailing and digging into the mud. I would never be that reckless with our truck on a post. Nor would I hide this tiny detail from Dirt Diver either.

What did you NOT do this past week?

2 Voices:

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Let me just say that I love you. I also did not screw my diet and weight loss over yesterday while in Jacksonville by eating McDonald's and drinking soda.

♥ Mrs. S.

tothenth said...

Oh no! How monumentally frustrating to do all that hard work and preparation for the BBQ only to have it yanked out from under you at the last second. I would have some choice words, let me tell you.


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