Taking a leap from stripper shoes to poop

Yesterday I was watching my beloved The People’s Court when this case comes on and it’s got me doubled over laughing. The plaintiff is first dressed in a BRIGHT ORANGE jail house looking outfit sans the name and jail number stamps. And of course the man has to be black, with a swag to his walk as he came into the court room. I mean really? He just had to wear that outfit? Then he starts in on his case and I had to hit the rewind button and replay to make sure I got this right. *snickersnortsnicker* The guy is suing a strip joint because he claims the strippers BOOT flew off and hit him in the face breaking his nose!

When it was the defendant’s turn, the strip club owner, he said “I’m just trying to sort out the many virgins, err I mean versions your honor”. I about died from laughing so hard at that comment.

Now I could see if it was a pair of shoes, but a BOOT? Have you seen stripper boots? They go up to the knee sometimes the thigh. They stick to their legs like a personal injury lawyer to an ambulance.  He even made CNN last year when he tried to sue for $25,000, but lost and now he’s lost the case in The People’s Court.

I will never cease to be amazed at people and this sue happy world we live in nowdays.

In the end I guess the lesson that should be learned is that if you go to a club, do not put your face all up on the stage and in their space.

We had to run to the Family Child Care office so I could turn in some paperwork, and let’s just say I know how to put dysfunctional in parenting perfectly. First off I went right before lunch/nap time. Big mistake right there. Second what I thought was going to be “quick” stop turned into a 2 hour ordeal. Monkey went from perfect angel to speed demon running back and forth, constantly trying to “fix” the copiers, and repeatedly letting me know “he’s thirsty”, “he’s dying”, and of course my favorite “Moooommmy my butt needs to poooooooooop”.

I thought that was bad enough but managed to hold it together. Well I did hold it together until Princess decided it was her turn to push mommy’s buttons. That perfect little blue eyed angel was able to send me straight into a 6 foot hole complete with Daisies and a 21 gun salute. There she was running in circles clapping to herself when she ran off to the door. I thought nothing of it since it was closed, turned back to what I was doing and then I heard Monkey yell “No babygirl!” I turned around to find her pulling her Bumgenuis off, and pooping right there in the corner by the front door. I just died, literally dropped my head on the desk hard enough for a “thump” and cried a little. Thank the heavens we were in the FCC office, and my director has a sense of humor. Between her laughter, my moans, and Monkey's yelling; it got cleaned up while Princess squealed in delight at her new boldness.

My outings out of the house are NEVER complete until I have hit hysteria. One of these days, I PRAY for a day out where nothing goes afoul and everyone listens to me. Unfortunately I truly do not think that option is not even NEAR my deck of cards to be played.