Time for a change in thinking

22 February 2011

When things get tough in my life I literally shut down and pull away from people. But yet I don't realize I'm doing it until it's too late or until someone's called me out on it. For the past month I've slowly been pulling away, shutting down, and just not giving a crap.

I was doing good with working out but then that started to slip as well. I've been gaining weight back. I've bene moodier. I've been so standoffish and really I don't have an exact reasoning for it. It's been a combination of things.

Things like my marriage, dealing with Lil t, finances, frustrations with myself. I was bottling them up, allowing them to stay inside and sit there until I couldn't hide the hurt, anger and disappointment anymore. Then I would just blow up. 

So NOT the healthy way to handle life. 
After a lot of tears, arguing, and everything else in between I decided when I woke up yesterday that I'm going to change.

  • I'm going to get back into working out every single day.

  • I'm going to go back to eating healthier.

  • I'm going to go back to taking time out for myself even if that means the gym to allow myself to de-stress so that I am a better mom to the kids.

  • I'm going to not let Lil T's meltdowns and hurtful words bring me down.

  • I'm going to put us on a strict budget to help us get back to where we need and want to be.

  • I'm going to put more effort in communicating with Dirt Diver and use the next month as our deadline to fix the things that have gone wrong.

  • I'm going to not give up and will not allow myself to stay in the negative thinking anymore. It has done nothing but tear me down and make things worse.
It's not easy for me to admit when I need to help or when things are failing but I think I've finally learned in 31 yrs that I can't do it alone anymore. 

So here's to starting afresh and hoping to see more positive outcomes!

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