..No More Junk Food..

14 January 2010

Pssh as if I could ever truly give it up for good.

Exercise and my-self do not get along. We used to at some point, wait no scratch that. We became amicable at one point but there was always some kind of hostility between us; more on my end then its’. Yesterday I decided to try and make amends with it again. So with determination, I dusted off the old trainers, dusted off the elliptical that has been used as a coat rack for the last 18 months and jumped back into it last night. Twenty minutes on the elliptical and I thought I was going to die. My life flashed before my eyes, my thighs screamed out in pain, and the whole time I kept wondering what in the world I was doing. I pushed through and when the timer beeped I was never happier to run out the door into the rain to cool down. Today during naptime I pulled out the Wii Fit and knocked out a bunch home exercises routines; I was feeling good until dinnertime. I have a nasty habit that needs to be broken and broken quickly. As I made the ever scrumptious Potato Soup, I snacked on the bacon I was making. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to foods I love and portion control. After dinner, clean up and playtime; I strapped my trainers back on and jumped on the elliptical. After about 5 minutes I wanted to get off. Surprisingly Monkey came and sat in front of me the whole time telling me “you’re doing great mama”, “lift your head up mama”, “don’t go to sleep yet” every time I would slow down or put my head down. It was encouraging.
I am not looking to losing a ton of weight or even to become skinny. I LOVE my curves and shape, with that said I would like to be a little more “firm” and tone. Over the last five and a half year I have weighed pretty much the same give or take 5 pounds. I still fit into two pairs of jeans from 2001. Not bad after 2 more pregnancies since then. Unfortunately though when I look back at pictures of me even 5 years ago, I didn’t have the huge jelly roll, or the larger amount of back fat, and my biceps weren’t as wiggly. Its funny how as time moves on so does the fat, it gravitates from the breasts to the stomach, the once firm butt has now spread to my hips and settled on my thighs as well. My thighs have always been conjoined twins since as far back as I can remember, at one point in life I hated that but as I get older I’ve embraced it as part of me.
When I will see The Man again I do not know due to custody issues that need to be ironed out between my ex-husband and I for Lil t’, and I am using the unknown amount of time as a chance to morph myself not just for me but for him as well. He has been working extremely hard over the last 5 months to get back into shape after a year of vegging and slacking off. He has asked, pleaded, begged, and yelled with me over getting into shape. I was/am so adamant over being happy with myself and my weight; finally he was able to put into other words that made complete and total sense on his obsession with wanting me to get in shape. He simply said “I want to grow old with you”; he’s scared I’ll have the health problems like my mom. He’s afraid I will get to a point where I can’t say no and then one day won’t be able to chase after our children or our grandchildren. For that reason alone, I am willing to take the step, make peace with my enemy and put forth an honest effort.
♥ ♥ A Muddy PAW ♥ ♥

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