Not Me! Monday

When the kids are driving me up the wall and my head is duplicating the Exorcist, I would not demand an early bedroom banish with strict rules that their doors are not to be opened unless they are on the floor in a million pieces dying a slow horrible zombie/plague induced death.

Upon the banishment in the home, I would not become a geek sitting through Matchmaking thinking I should go to the bathroom first but decided against it because 1. It’s too late, the game started and 2. I’m a big girl I can hold it for 12 more minutes. After 10 minutes I would not get tired of standing and doing the potty shuffle, which would not result in me breaking a house rule of no running. Since I do not run in the house when I flung the bathroom door open and my bare foot hit the tile, I would not have done a classic move of yelling loud enough to wake the dead “Oh F&#!”, while my right leg went flying up, followed by my left leg no matter how hard I tried to stop it, I would not be falling fast to the ground and knocking the wind out of me. You would not find me after that graceful moment lying on my back in a puddle of water left behind by a child that chose not to put an extra bath mat down when they got out of the shower earlier.

Think that was bad? Fast forward about 3 more hours, you would not find me right back to the ever famous potty shuffle in the middle of “smack” talking with my friends. (Ya know how that is, always trying to puff out the chest so your bigger and badder then everyone else game talk? Yeah that’s me, good thing they couldn’t see me otherwise they’d be on the floor, doubled over in hysterics.) There I am again shuffling, with a minute before the next match is to start; I would choose to WALK into the bathroom. Because let’s be honest I learned my lesson of no running in the house. What happened next is a classic example of why you should ALWAYS turn the lights on because if I had you would not have found me sitting IN the toilet rather than on the seat. Yes I fell IN TO the toilet. I forgot Monkey got up and went to the bathroom.  You would not find me squealing like a little girl yelling “eww gross damnit Toby help! Don’t stare” at the dog who just stared at me like a loon and walked out leaving me to pull myself out of a toilet that hadn’t been flushed causing me to take an impromptu shower.

Nope not me. 

Head on over to MckMama's blog to see what everyone else was not up to this past week.