Not Me! Monday

22 February 2010

 


After a great day Friday; it did not end on a sour note sending me into a tail spin of anxiety and breaking me down. I did not forget to be strong in front of my children for the last 2 and half days. I did not ignore my blog this weekend because I had not one single ounce of positiveness in me. I did not mind breaking down in the middle of Wal-Mart when Lil t’ made a comment about how daddy would have loved to see the woman that was on the obese side trying to fit into a extra, extra small neon yellow and green Oregon Ducks outfit who’s neck was so badly covered in hickies you wouldn’t know that her skin was white. (Yes I am one of those people that snicker at the horribly dressed people at Wal-Mart)

While I know the rule of the military; never count word of mouth as gold until it’s in black and white, I did not believe what The Man told me was true. I did not believe that he was going to end up this morning with orders to Germany or Korea. I did not spend 3 days not eating because I was worried sick over the logistics of one child and one nasty custody battle that would ensue again. I did not convince myself that I was going to have to pick between my family. I did not convince myself that I would have to make the choice of keeping all 4 children away from their daddy to live in the states to keep custody of 1 son vs. moving 3 kids and potentially loosing custody of said 1 son.

I did not break down into a crying fit of rage while making dinner last night because I would never allow myself to break my own rules of dealing with the military. I would not spend last night restless with almost no sleep while tossing and turning over today. I would not view the coming of today as a death sentence to our family. I would not wake up 6 times during a 6 hour sleep to chase Monkey off the TV, out of the refrigerator, off Call of Duty. I did not get woken up this morning by The Man calling me and yelling at him before he could speak because I was still in my crazy dream of being a super stellar FBI agent on a mission who had lost her super top secret earrings. I did not fall victim to his evil cruel joke of telling me the orders were for Korea. I did not yell the F-bomb at him repeatedly when I didn’t get his hint that it wasn’t Korea when he said “My bad they both start with K”. I did not fully process what he said till I tripped over the laundry basket full of clean clothes that have been waiting for me since Friday when I flew into a tail spin. We are going to Kentucky not Korea.

Panic attacks did NOT get the best of me this weekend.


Head on over to MckMama's blog to see what everyone else was not up to this past week. 



13 Voices:

Mom2xamj said...

I was I could say that I can not relate to you. I wish that I could say that Jehovah Witness did not scare the crap out of me this weekend (working on an entry about this). I wish that I could that I did not break down and cry on Friday and also Saturday. I wish that I could say I kept it together when dh called from Drill and that I did not break down completely on the phone making dh talk to his NCO and rush home. I wish that I could say I'm over this weekend! *sigh* But on the happier note I'm looking forward to this week nothing extra special just a new start!

And congrats on Kentucky! We live right on the other side of the border line.. Tennessee!!

I hope you have a better week!!

Sororitygirlgonewife said...

Kentucky, how exciting! And girl, we're all guilty of listening to word of mouth, even knowing it's wrong most of the time.

Mel said...

Having recently visted Korea, I can say I would love an excuse to live there for a year or two, but I can totally see why it had you stressed out!

Ashley said...

stopping by from SITS! I loved reading your post and i look forward to reading more! have a great day :)

Chelle said...

@Mom2xamj oh no! I hope you've been able to shake the feeling off and the rest of the week will be better.

@Mel, I would LOVE to VISIT Korea. I want to live in Germany and Italy but until my son is old enough to have his say in courts I just want to stay stateside, 4 more years and then he can have an active say. It's such a frustrating part of divorce.

@ Ashley, why thank you! Off to visit your home.

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