Sometimes it's hard to find the golden lining in things

Every time I think things are going smooth I run into what some will call a hiccup. Sadly though, what is a hiccup to you or someone else is like the Grand Nile to me. I try very hard to not over react or let myself obsess over it but I can’t stop it. I can’t think and process first, instead as childish as it seems, I freak out cry and then when it’s processed I think it through. During my "freak-outs" I honestly can't see a single positive thing around me. The panic I feel within is just so incredibly unreal at times. It’s annoying. It’s embarrassing. But even with going to therapy it’s the one thing I can’t get rid of without going back on meds. And really I’ve learned to deal with it and make adjustments for it so why should I go back on medicine just to fix one thing when everything else has been fixed and put into place.

With that said, I was finally able to get a hold of the housing lady at the new base post (must remember the Army calls it post where as we called it base in the Navy). I do not know what got into my head that it would quick and easy to get into a 4 or 5 bedroom house. I really don’t. I remember the wait time for one in San Diego took almost 10 months to get into. The housing lady burst my bubble today by informing me that the wait for a 4 or 5 bedrooms would be 12 to 24 months. I about had a heart attack. She offered to put us on a wait list for a 3 bedroom that will only be from 5 to 6 weeks approximately.  I am trying not to find negatives on this. Trying. Very. Very. Hard. We are currently living in a 3 bedroom; the boys are at each other’s throats having to share a room. ‘Tater has her own room. And I know this sounds absolutely horrible. I’m sure someone will shake their head and say I’m wrong. With that I gave up my walk in closet to Princess. It has a window, not huge but enough to let the sun shine and give her fresh air. She has half the closet for her and the closet has a heater. It’s not the “ideal” spot but really at a year old she only uses her room to sleep. I know, horrible. I feel guilty about it all the time. Originally she was supposed to only be there for a couple months till she finally started sleeping through the night and wouldn’t wake ‘Tater up. She has been sleeping through the night for 3 months and I still haven’t moved her. I like her being super close to me and that I can get her if I need to. When we move she will have to move to share with ‘Tater though. Looking on the housing list, the 3 bedrooms have only 1 baths. ONE bathroom. That makes me want to run and hide. I can’t imagine sharing a bathroom with everyone. These kids are horrible, always hogging the hot water, the toilet forcing me to potty dance outside because right now we have 2 bathrooms and they take both of them from me.  

I just have to keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things; it doesn’t matter what size house we live in as long as we are together. We will manage and tough it out because being cramped is a minor inconvenience to the kids seeing their daddy every day and me getting his kisses. We will survive it and the minute it’s possible, we’re going on the 4 bedroom wait list next year and get into them.

Now if I could just get the lady who 1. Couldn’t remember my last name to save a life while on the phone with her, 2. Couldn’t get The Man’s social right to save another life and then 3. Can’t return phone calls to save my dog; to answer some more questions I had about their housing, I’d be smiling and moving right along with this move.