Finding boundaries in relationships is hard at times

16 April 2010

Do you appreciate your spouse? I mean truly fully 100% appreciate everything they do.

Honestly I struggle with this. I know he's working hard at work and that he's got his own plate of things to do but when he walks through the door I tend to forget that. I find myself literally taking my over flowing plate and trying to pass it off on to him. Then I get irritated when that plate doesn't get done in my time frame by the way I want it done. And ultimately it causes a fight since I have absolutely no filter on my mouth when it comes to him sometimes.

Today as Dirt Diver was home changing from PT to ACU's I noticed that I was shoveling work onto him and then when he couldn't do it all I hate to admit it but I found myself on the verge of tears of being over whelmed. It's not his fault. He does what he can when he can.

Looking back and thinking about it though somewhere I got a bug in my head that was thinking "well he's been gone for 6 months he can now take over". How far from the truth is that? If I take a step back and look at this through his eyes I'm sure he'd love to hand me his career and let me deal with the ruck marches, 10 mile runs, preparing for deployment, etc.

There has to be an even median and sadly I think by the time we find it, it's going to be time for us to say good bye to him. With that I will make it more of an effort to get back to where we were before he left last year so that we can enjoy this time together. With that this unpacking needs to hurry up so I can find our copy of "The 5 Love Languages" and reread for the millionth time.

That book is getting a lot of use. I would love to say that I can read it one, remember, implement, and never stumble off the path. But I can't. I have to constantly reread or flip through for little reminders.

On another note, I was rearranging the can food from one cupboard to another. The shelf needed to be moved, as I'm pounding on the shelf to get it out of the holders I flip the self up and fling it at myself. Scared the beejezus out of me causing for me to yell and jump backwards. The whole time Monkey is just staring at me with a confused look on his face and says "Daddy should do that mama". One of these days he will realize that I can do just as much as daddy (if not better) but it just takes me a little longer, a few more F bombs, and an injury.

7 Voices:

Cheryl said...

I'm with ya. My husband isn't in the military and won't be deployed any where but he's a college professor gone from 7am to 5pm most days and, when there are rehearsals he's gone from 7am home around 5ish back to work at 6 and not home until after the kids go to bed. I get resentful and restless. Thanks for making me think about this a bit more...

Mrs. Trophy Wife said...

You know, I was thinking about this exact thing the other day. It's really so hard for me to appreciate what DH is doing while deployed. So often I think of how bad I feel for myself.

Thanks for the reminder.

Jenny said...

I think the appreciation goes both ways. There are times when I think my husband doesn't appreciate what I do. Then I remind myself...we are a team. We do equal shares...we must both work together.

sarah said...

It's hard to appreciate what you don't understand from a personal point of view...I'm sure there's times where your hubby might not appreciate how hard YOU work....he's got a very tough job, but you do as well!

sarah said...

I have an award for you!!

You can grab it here: http://nodontandstop.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-feel-so-warm-and-fuzzy.html

Have a good day!!

Sarah Beth said...

Ooh, the love languages is such a great book! I've been MIA for a while, but I'm back now! Hope the move went well, and you're liking your new home!

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

I do this everyday then when I am lying in bed it'll hit me how unfair I am to Mr. Superman and how incredible he is for putting up with it. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one!

♥ Mrs. S.

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