Not Me! Monday

When you have a moment stop on by MckMama's and check out the other hilarious Not Me! Monday participants.

Ah another Monday has come to grace our presence. Aren’t we just so lucky?

Let’s see if I can recap some of the things that did not happen this week.

Friday did not start with a murder framed as a suicide. I would not have been plotting for the past 2 plus years payback on a green frog that belongs to Dirt Diver after he viciously attacked my innocent puppy Harley. When the perfect opportunity presented itself I did not clean the toilet making it possible for Mr. Green to commit suicide. Ya know after years of murdering the wife’s dog, the guilt has to get to you somehow.

Being the only person who ever does the laundry in the house I did not forget that Dirt Diver would need his PT gear this morning by leaving it in the washer soaking wet. I did not discover this at 0445 this morning when he asked where his jacket and pants were. Because I remembered to wash and dry his gear he did not have to go PT in the rain in shorts and a short sleeve shirt.

In the midst of a argument with Dirt Diver while he was taking a bath I did not get up yell, storm out of the bathroom slamming the door. In the process of not trying to slam the door, I did not hit a sock and slam into the floor with a THUD. I did not yell at him for causing that injury.

Let’s face it, we’re adults, couples fight and make up. I am not the stubborn one who refused to speak for the next 3 hours. I was not the one who grabbed a sleeping bag and pillow setting up bed on the couch. I did not lay in the bag for 15 minutes pretending not to hear him tell me to pull my head out of my ass and get in our bed. I did not stomp my way to bed, throw myself in it, and dig down hugging the edge of the bed. No I said I was sorry and tried to end the fight like a responsible mature adult.

Saturday morning I did not wake up with a work crew building a super heavy duty reinforced wall of snot in my sinuses. I did not talk like a dork nor did I try to spend the day in bed sniffling and sneezing. I did not make it till 2100 before Dirt Diver forced me to take a Sudafed almost to the point of shoving the pill down my throat. I did not threaten to call police for poisoning his wife when he knows that I loathe LOATHE medicine. I did not mutter a thank you the following morning when I awoke after realizing that the stupid pill helped me sleep through the night without issues.

There is always more in our crazy life but I can never think of it till after I hit post and walk away. lol I really must keep a notebook to jot my ideas down.