It's okay to enjoy the time apart

24 June 2010

I think I have finally decided that after all these years, I am different. I know shocking right? It only took 30 years of life to figure this out? *snicker* I am not a typical military wife, wait no wife in general. I love my husband more then life itself, SOMEDAYS, but I am not the lovey dovey hugs and kisses kinda person. I don’t update my facebook every day about how much I miss him. I don’t call him sugary sweet names on his facebook page or even in public. I don’t whine to my friends about how much I miss him when he’s just at work for the day.

I get everyone misses someone. No really I do. Sadly I know that painful aching feeling in your heart that feels like it’s been ripped out and you’re empty until they are back in your arms and you feel complete. However definitely not the one to overly gush about how great Dirt Diver is; he’s an awesome man but let’s face it, no one is perfect. I may wear glasses but they are not rose colored and can smell when his shit stinks. Which to be perfectly honest is quite often. He in fact can be a down right cold hearted asshole sometimes. Strangely enough I love him for that quality too, even when I’m on the receiving end of his PMS’ing days.

With that said, they went to the field this week. It’s not even a full week; just Tues, Wed, and half of Thurs. Okay no biggie right? Just a couple days. A lot of the guys came back yesterday for errands, Dr’s appts, whatnot. I was lucky and got to see him for a total of 30 minutes while he peeled off the most nasty wrenching swamp ass tick infested ACU’s I've seen in a very a long time on my bathroom floor, stole some water and body wash, then ran out the door dressing in a clean pair.  My reaction to that was not happiness to see him it was pure annoyance at his “I’m home drop everything and deal with me right now” attitude. I get that he’s miserable out in the humidity and sun with his ass creating a swamp no alligator in their right mind would want to live in. I get it! But do not just bust through the front door and expect me to drop what I’m doing to attend with your stanky ass. My attitude lasted a whole 5 minutes though. Really I can’t be mad at him for too long, well wait I can but those were different circumstances. It was very nice to see his smile for that short second.

Anyways I’m veering off course with my whole point. There’s a girl married to a guy in the company and she’s on my Facebook page. For the past 2 months all her updates are so full of shit that I need a gas mask to get through them. It’s incredibly ridiculous how some people will fake the funk to make their lives look picture perfect from the outside.  I don’t know if someone gave her the memo but NO ONES life is perfect, ESPECIALLY when others know the bones that are in your closet. Instead of just making a big deal about it and telling her so, I did the cowards way out. I hit delete and took her off my page. There’s only so much that one person can process before they wanna puke. Now she’s requesting to be friends again and I feel horrible. I just can’t take it. She stopped by the other day and holy cow! 15 minutes of her complaining about how she didn’t know what to do without him around, made me want to wrap my hands around her neck. My tongue had bite marks. I mean seriously?! 2.5 days is all they’re gone for and she can’t handle it, how in the hell is she going to handle a 12 month 365 days and more without him?! 

She of course was just blown away by my carefree 'tude with them gone. I chuckled and told her that at some point in life, you realize that in the end there will only be you to depend on. I feel blessed that I have Dirt Diver to share my life and struggles with, BUT there is never a 100% guarantee on marriage and life. If I can't function without him, then I can't function with him. And I am no good to myself, my children, or my husband if I can't handle being alone once in a while.

Am I missing something here? Am I supposed to be feeling the same way? Is it wrong of me to actually enjoy the time he’s gone, I got to knit in bed while watching what I wanted to on TV. No one complaining that the laundry is still piled in the laundry room. I didn’t have to make some elaborate dinner. Shoot Monkey, Princess, and I enjoyed those ghetto fab Banquet Salisbury Steaks for dinner and no one had to look at Dirt Diver’s scrunched up face as he pretended to eat them.

Now don’t get me wrong, my whole philosophy and this whole “Can we go back to 1 day of duty a week” feeling will be thrown more like rocket launched right out the window when it’s deployment time. I promise you that. But for now, after living 7 months apart, I really do like to have some days just to myself and do what I want to do.

And with that I must go. Princess just walked in with Sharpie on her face. Went to investigate and Monkey has decorated my window with “volcanoes and daddies and zombies” along with his hands. 

Oy Veigh!

Do you enjoy your time to yourself in small doses? What do you do with your time away from him?

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15 Voices:

Emily said...

I have to admit I do like some time alone every now and then. It's good to take a breather and know that you can do whatever you want and pamper yourself without worrying about the other person. But any longer than a week or so... I do start to miss him

Mtn Mom said...

I can relate, to your point of view, not to Mrs. Whineypants. My husband is my best friend, I adore him, and I miss him, but I do enjoy pieces of our time apart. While he's deployed I miss the little things, and so I take up the space myself, like on the couch. I get to play the PS3 with the kids or by myself, instead of him hogging the big TV to play Call of Duty. Anyway, I look forward to seeing him again, but for now I enjoy the fact that our bedroom does NOT have man-piles everywhere :)

Tennis Katie said...

These words were much needed right now, I love that you can be so real. Sometimes that pressure to present a perfect life is hard. And Hey for that girl with the skelatons in her closet, try to give her a little break too...I think we all try our best and have different strategies for coping with this lifestyle. I reserve the right to enjoy my "me" time somedays and on others I completely reserve the right to fall apart.

amuddypaw said...

@Tennis Katie, you are right everyone has their way to handle things. I think since I'm so "hardened" by life that I have a hard time cutting slack for others who aren't at that point in life. Wait no I don't think I know. I have become a calloused person from past experiences and when I try to remember the days before the bad times I can't remember them too well. But I know I was the exact same way at one point. We all grow with each new adventure the military throws at us.

Noel said...

I do enjoy my time to myself, a LOT. I like that he went back to full days at work finally (they were on half days for a month-ish after everyone got back from leave), but unfortunately he busted up his collarbone, so he's home for a while now (14 days of con leave, plus PT - and he can't drive himself, so I have to take him - good thing i don't have a job). A big part of me is sad b/c I lost some of my "me" time.

Renee said...

I completely agree with you - even though I've had my 'moments' throughout our deployment of feeling utterly lost (part because of deployment and part from the death of my parents a few months ago). I'm not paralyzed over any sadness that he's gone, and I miss him and wish he was here..but I'm able to function and carry on. At some point your 'friend' will have to just suck it up like the rest of us and get on with the task at hand. As for 'friending' her on FB...friend her, then Hide her. Easy fix!

Rachel at RomancingRachel said...

You are my HERO! I'm the same way about being apart from my man. I can survive just fine without him. It doesn't mean I don't miss him, it just means I don't need him here every min of every day in order to survive. I was a full person before he came into my life and I'll be a full person if he ever happens to leave my life so there is no reason I can't act like a full person with him. I love this!

Militarywifemayhem said...

I'm a big fan of distance. Time makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
I hate to admit it but when he goes I love that I get the bed to myself and watch all my "stupid shows". I don't have another person needing something from me.
There ever comes to a point- and only when I'm not in the mood that I grateful he goes for a while so he's not trying to get some after a crazy long day. I say this during the shorts times like you said- a week a month. But now my hubby is overseas and I miss him, but I haven't stopped functioning either. I miss not having my tag team member during the rough stuff with the kids or life but you are right not everything is certain.
I have a girl of Facebook that so dramatic on statuses you would have thought her husband was deployed, now that's a neck squeezer for ya!
Te worst part about it the girl is never happy if her husband is home or away. She's mad that he's gone becuse he's being gone forever, then when he's home she can't stand having him there doing nothing. We all have to make our own happiness.
Anyways, great post! Gave me a giggle and and little pep talk, I'm going to be ok!

blessing said...

My husband and I have lived apart all our lives. I went to college in Florida and he went to college in GA, it has always been a long distance one. And we appreciate the little time we get to spend together. Although, we would love to live together as a family as soon as this training is over -:)

mannadonn said...

I actually enjoy the time we get apart. I sometimes joke (or maybe not) that we probably wouldn't survive a lengthy marriage to one another if we didn't have those times apart. And even though deployment is hard and I have struggles some days without him, it's important for us to grow within that time. If we are always together we never really get to know what we want for ourselves out of life.

However, I do know that some people aren't like me. Some people need to be coddled and can't make it without the guy. Though it annoys me and I wish these women would put on their big girl panties and recognize what they signed up for when they married a soldier, it's not my place so I try not to deal with them. Just try not to be the shoulder for her to cry on because it's not good for either one of you.

Mrs. S. said...

For ME, I will take as much of my man as possible at all times. You crack me up though. Love you!

Rachel--The Kooky Queen said...

I honestly am happiest when DH is around and when we're apart, I'm always happier when we're together again. BUT! I loooooooooooove my ME time! REALLY! I love quiet time where I can just do stuff for myself! LOVE your post!

amuddypaw said...

I like that when he's gone for small times, I'm reminded of all the little things that I truly do love about him.

Don't you just love it when nothing makes a person happy?! Never ending. Makes me glad I'm not married to them.

amuddypaw said...

I have had my moments too. The ones where I'm curled up in the middle of my bed, clutching a pillow and gasping for air praying for the strength to keep going. But with that said never when he's gone for 2 days. lol Instead I celebrate.

amuddypaw said...

I can't help but chuckle. When Dirt Diver got out of the Navy and we were settled in OR, I about killed him. I didn't think we'd make it. He was always under foot or doing absolutely nothing while I was cleaning. Drove me bonkers.


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