Feels like I'm in a hamster wheel

04 November 2010

Hmm where did I leave off? Oh that’s right washer broke, kids jumping and hooting for Halloween, and I’m drinking a beer.

I get everyone ready to go, ‘Tater made a HORRIBLE choice the week before so she had to miss Halloween and could only pull the wagon. Lil t’ was a rabid bat. Monkey Dearth Vader and Princess was a shark. Yes I said shark.

After everyone was ready to head off, we did the uncool moment... the rules.  Blah Blah and off we set out. Lil t’ walked with our neighbor’s and their daughter. I kept telling him to stay with his family and stop running off. At one point Monkey fell and his candy went everywhere. There I am standing on Princess’s fin, picking up Monkey, gathering candy, and yelling at Lil t’ to get back with his family.  I look up and he’s gone.
Now I’m fuming but I decided to not ruin the other kids’ fun and will deal with Lil t’ when I get back to the house. I knew he was with the neighbors and safe. We continued and had a BLAST. As we’re walking up to the house, Lil t’ comes running up, jumping around yelling about how much fun he had. After a few short questions about if he knew who his family was, what were rules, and what did he choose to do?  That is when he ‘flipped’; he went from being a big ball of laughter to pure anger.

We’ve been dealing with these mood issues for 3 years, it’s taken THREE years to finally get a refer to pysch for testing. That’s another post in of itself. Anyway, I am tired, drained, and just want to get everyone in bed so I told him to get ready and get in it.

Throw the little ones in the shower, hide the candy, argue with Lil t’ over why he has to go to bed at 8 vs. 8:30, and attempt not to lose my sanity. Finally get everyone in PJ’s, in bed, the house is quiet so I sit down to relax and that’s where all hell broke loose again.

House phone is ringing, the cell phone is ringing, Dirt Diver’s voice over the answering machine yelling for me to pick up the phone; Spew of Satan is blowing up my cell phone. This is where you color me confused as hell as I hadn’t talk to the Spew in a week or so. Figure I’ll start with the Spew, call him and he just lays into me out of nowhere. Get him to call down and that’s when I could feel the anger boil inside me.

Lil t’ sent his father text messages saying “I’m scared for my life”, “He’s going to get me”, “I don’t know if I’ll live”, “Why aren’t you answering, I need you”. As much as I hate Spew of Satan; I don’t blame him for why he freaked out. The excuses for why he said what he said were ridiculous.

  •   Lil t’s watched Nightmare on Elm Street (which he can NOT do because he has nightmares) and he thought Krueger was going to get him.
  •   He was mad that I made him go to bed and wanted his dad to answer to tattle on me.
  • He wants to go live with his dad because I'm mean.

Ugh it’s never ending with Lil t’. He’s now grounded for 2 weeks. Thankfully he had his eval/counseling this week so we could discuss it but I’m just running out of energy dealing with this. Every day is a battle and every day I feel like I’m losing. This week’s appointment had a lot of positives come from it and I’m praying it will only continue to get us on the right path, because I can’t handle watching him being snatched away by the anger/hatred/depression that is boiling inside him and slowly taking over.

There is so much more I want to say but my washer is fixed finally and I’m actually enjoying being able to wash again, must catch up on it. Please just say a prayer that we can get this nipped in the bud now before it gets too late.

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1 Voices:

AbbeyG said...

Oh My.. that is some serious crazyness. But I think you are doing wonderful and being a great mom, hang in there!!! :)


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